There are so many branches of anxiety, that it really isn’t worth trying to discuss all of them at once, essentially, I am just going to group together all the underlying symptoms to make it simple for you to understand because nobody seems to like to hear all the problems extended for more than is convenient for them. Its not like having anxiety is like having an off switch and by some miracle you can simply talk about it once and everything will be off your chest. Therefore, having anxiety is best described like having that annoying friend hover over you, while you’re drunk, that constantly makes you second guess every decision and overthink everything you’ve done at that instant in time. You can’t remember the last time you were relaxed; you don’t really remember what started this unease and solving one issue will not necessarily mean another thought won’t arise from the abyss. That’s anxiety in a nutshell or kurzgesagt for y’all savvy folk, who love things broken down into its simplest form and who is more efficient than the Germans.

Some annoying factoids to get out the way: 5% of the UK population suffer from this regularly and almost every person will experience anxiety at some point in their life, but, the major key difference is that while you may get butterflies in your belly over asking your crush to send her OnlyFans account details, for a discount price, you disgusting simp. These “5 percenters” can’t control when or where this will occur, and the classic coping mechanisms don’t work as quickly as you might wish to expect. Women, are more likely to experience anxiety than men and its more common between the ages of 35-59. Probably why all the Karens out there are so aggro all the time because they can’t stop overthinking about your late night shenanigans, absolute tomfoolery. Should we cut them some slack? Absolutely not, that is for certain.

There are two ways to react to this, one, you can read this in a calm manner and enjoy the small things in life or, two, you can be offended and carry on to explain why, you, are the anomaly and nothing will work because you have tried everything. If you are a number two then you are full of … all the connotations that befall being a number two. Here is why, like anything it is better understood via an analogy. Life is fucking hard, you can’t pray for fish without at least casting the rod for more than a couple of seconds, it demands patience. There is a reason they call it a virtue.

If you haven’t clued in by now, I’m a little bit of a stoic jester. Here is another analogy, imagine a glass full of water and it is clear, this represents your “good” mental health. As time takes it’s toll each misfortune is like mud being added to the water, eventually, you are going to be more mud than water and things are not going to be easy to see through it, and you sure as hell wouldn’t want to drink it. You have no idea what is going on inside there, but you know it is not right. Now, you can leave it like that and carry on in this trajectory until you become soil, or, you can start adding more water until the glass starts to become more water than mud, this is a rather simple concept, depending on how much mud there is depends on how much water you have to add and how long it will take to become clear again.

Inevitably, this will be different for each glass and some glasses will need extra work. The additional water takes the form of exercise, healthy eating, not smoking, reducing caffeine, reducing alcohol, sleeping better, breathing exercises, hobbies, sun exposure and tackling triggers head on, rather simple one might conclude. My favourite excuse, however, and it is an excuse, is when people try to reduce their mud levels in the glass by only applying a drop of water and wondering, “why it is not clear yet?”. Now some people believe in the method of adding water purifiers to make the muddy water more drinkable but this will only work for short term and eventually another measure needs to be taken soon, otherwise the water is an amalgamation of mud and powder, so you end up just adding water anyway in the end.

Serious note though, I talk from the point of view of someone who as general anxiety and is still working on becoming more in control,  I will tell you, it is definitely not easy and this path will have its ups and downs but it’s the continual persistence for the pursuit in becoming better that will eventually see some progress and improvement. There will be days that you will continue to add water to your glass and it will feel pointless and you wont be able to notice the subtle changes but, eventually, you will tip over that plateau and visibly feel a shift in your behaviour and way of thinking. You can’t do one sit up and expect 6-pack abs nor can you consistently do ab workouts for 2 months and expect to be completely yoked. However, continue on this path and you will see changes eventually and others will notice to, then, you won’t even remember what it was like to be a fat piece of pie. Final order, if you can’t stick to it, then suck it up butter cup and fake it till you make it or at least convince your brain to be delusional enough to think you are okay. There is method in madness.