Navigating the Dairy Minefield

When you eventually hit a certain point you realise its not at all common to have the ability to digest milk and in fact most of the planet loses that skill beyond the infant stage. Ergo, it is time to learn the art of dodging lactose. Cheese plate at a party? Grab the carrot sticks and humous. Someone offer you milk? Take a shot of tequila instead. Can’t resist the pizza? Bring your own bag of snacks. Offered milk with your tea or coffee? Ask for black like a real grown up. Growing up, we were led to believe milk bodes well for the internal side to yourself. Turns out, it was just setting us up for a gastrointestinal betrayal later in life. However, there is some light at the end of this milky road.

The Cheeseless Dilemma

Cashew, almond, oat-milk alternatives are the new dating scene. Swipe right on the ones that don’t ghost you after the first sip. Discovering that vegan cheese is more of an ‘acquired tolerance’ than an acquired taste. The dairy industry’s dirty little secret, milk solids, whey, and casein lurking in unexpected places. Become a label-reading sleuth to avoid the sabotage. Attaining gains never seemed more impossible than it does now but do not fret. Clear whey protein, Kefir, Kombucha, Lactose-free milk, Greek yogurt; these are now your deities. Remember them well as your microbiome will worship you for the rest of your life. Turns out not all fermented produce is poison but in fact can be your saviour.

Support Group for Dairy Orphans

Finding comfort in online communities where people share recipes, tips, and commiserate over the absence of Brie in their lives, can offer you some peace of mind. Alas, we both know that this is merely a coping mechanism for the gaping “whole milk” that is left behind. On the bright side, you now have a fool proof excuse to avoid unpleasant meet ups, push specific restaurants and validate a new personality to reignite the spark in your life. Surrounding yourself with like minded miscreants will definitely reinvigorate your inner child and more than likely make you insufferable but at least you will not be consistently bloated.

Dairy Goodbye, Hello New You

Embracing the new normal, because there’s a whole world of non-dairy deliciousness out there, once you stop crying over spilled milk.